Category: Uncategorized

Sex. Everyone has it. Why are we ashamed of it?

Warning!  The following is a soapbox rant about society’s definition of “appropriate”.

I had a conversation with a friend recently regarding sex and I simply cannot understand why society has taught us that having sex, wanting sex and talking about sex is a bad thing.  Maybe it’s religion, maybe it’s politics or our old fashioned puritanical roots but whatever it is I think it’s messing with people’s heads and lives unnecessarily.

Not everyone feels comfortable discussing sex the way I do and I understand that.  But when people realize that I am and they start talking with me about it, somewhere in the convo they always stop & say “I’m sorry, that was wildly inappropriate” or something similar to that.  What I find sad is that 9 times out of 10, I don’t believe that they have been.  Sure every once in a while someone gets a little excited, but even then I’m not insulted.  We’re all just human beings.

Flesh is exciting.  Sex feels good. Yes, it’s the ultimate expression of love but some people use it solely for pleasure and others to numb out pain.  No matter what bottom line, if you aren’t hurting anyone (ie: lying, cheating, raping etc) then you shouldn’t feel bad about it.  You have a lot of sex?  That doesn’t make you a sex addict.  In my opinion that term has caused a lot of perfectly normal people tons of pain. You aren’t a slut either.  You are are a human who is acting on his or her most basic urges.  Stop beating yourself up so much.  That being said, in my opinion, you should still be safe about it.  No one wants to have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy or an STD.

You may agree with me or you may not but either way, try not to judge too quickly or to harshly.  One man’s sin…




I am overjoyed about today’s Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality although personally, I no longer believe in the institution of marriage. Yet I still believe that everyone should have the right to marry if they wish to do so.

I was married for 10 years and the best part of the whole debacle was the wedding. (Yes, I throw one hell of a great party.) 🙂 As I’ve emerged into my new life I’ve decided that I don’t need the government involved in my relationships and I don’t want a piece of paper to tie my life to that of another human. I want love to connect us, I want to know my partner is with me because of our intense connection and not because a contract holds us together. I want to wake up everyday knowing that I am loved because of me and not for tax purposes.

This is my opinion for ME and me alone. I still love weddings and I will probably always cry when I hear a proposal story. Plus who’s to say that I won’t one day hold another grand party (only without the ceremony before hand)? Yet I’m also keenly aware that I may change my mind some day and decide to take the plunge again (although I seriously doubt it) but I will allow myself that freedom because…who the fuck knows what the future holds.

For now, I will revel in today’s announcement and witness the love that flows from so many who are finally free to legally marry the ones they love. I lift my glass to all of you and wish you all the happiness in the world.

Cheers my friends. Let Love Rule!

#MarriageEquality #LoveWins #LoveChangesPeople

My New Life

The life I lead today is completely different from the one I lived just 2 years ago. Back then I had a big house, an expensive car & a high-powered career. I was never a materialistic person, but I had aquired a lot of “stuff” and I spent way too much money on food and “entertainment”.

Today, I live in a small apartment, I’m broke most of the time and I walk to my job at a boutique store (I no longer own a car). I’m almost always behind on my rent, and sometimes I miss fancy restaurants, but if I’m truly honest, I absolutely love everything about myself and my life today and I wouldn’t go back even if I could.

I challenge you dear followers to take a long, hard look at your life and I encourage you to make changes to anything that you don’t like. It may not be easy but I promise it will be worth it. Don’t be afraid anymore. Live life on the edge. It’s way more fun out here!!

What We Can Learn From Whitney Houston

“The Greatest Love of All” was one of my very favorite songs as a kid.

“The greatest love of all
is easy to achieve.
Learning to love yourself,
it is the greatest love of all.”

I remember singing it at talent shows and during slumber parties in middle school. (Yes, I’m that old) It became an anthem for me and most likely for many other girls in my generation. Even as an adult it followed me, I recall belting it out at the top of my lungs with my girlfriend while getting ready for a night out, and texting lines to the song back and forth with her years after that. I’ve probably sang that song more times than Happy Birthday, but about a month ago I heard it again and although the meaning was the same, my perspective was completely different.

For those of you too young to know Whitney or the song, it is about learning to LOVE YOURSELF. Although the music is dated, the message is still relevant. But before I get to that, let’s talk about her story.

Whitney Houston started singing at a very young age and she was also a teen model. In fact, she was one of the very first African American women to appear on the cover of Seventeen Magazine. She won several Grammy’s in her career and starred in movies as well. There is no doubt that she had tremendous talent, but she ended up in an abusive marriage filled with emotional and physical abuse and of course, drugs. I won’t pretend to know what happened first, the abuse or the drugs nor will I blame them for the drugs. Speaking from experience, sometimes drugs are the only way to make the situation bearable, they can be forced on you, and in some cases they can be the lesser of two evils. Either way, it was a bad situation and like so many people do, she tried to make it work. They were a famous couple with an image to maintain (I’m sure money played a part too) and they had a child, so she stayed.

After a 15 year marriage that was riddled with abuse and drug problems that were at times broadcast on reality television, Whitney’s mother intervened with the Sheriff and a court order. She insisted that Whitney “retire and give this up because it’s not worth it”. Later that same year the divorce was final and Whitney was granted full custody of their daughter, Bobbi. Things were looking up in her world but in early 2012, rumors surfaced that she was in financial trouble. Then on Feb 11, 2012 she was found in the bathtub of the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Her death was officially ruled as an “accidental drowning” but the autopsy showed signs of heart disease and cocaine in her system. She never escaped the pain of her past and unfortunately it seems that her 21 year old daughter, Bobbi is following in her footsteps. On Jan 31, 2015 she was found unresponsive in her own bathtub, was rushed to the hospital and placed in a medically induced coma and as of today, she “shows no signs of life”. It’s terribly sad, and when I listened to the song again today the foreshadowing is almost eerie.

The woman who sang about loving yourself, died alone in her hotel room after living a life filled with sadness. I’m sure she wasn’t perfect, none of us are, but no one deserves abuse and the fact that she turned to drugs even after the divorce is more common that you know. People forget that the effects of abuse don’t just go away after the abuser is gone, in fact I don’t know that they ever go away completely. You are expected to magically go back to the person you were before and honestly, you’ll never be that person again. The sad part is that friends and family don’t usually understand.

So, back to the song…

“I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity”

However, in the end she did walk in someone’s shadow…Her Own, His, and worse the image that the media portrayed. Why do so many women (especially famous ones) stay in abusive relationships? It’s simple – Money and Image, aside from the fact that they are constantly put on the defense with questions like “Why didn’t you just leave”? It’s not that simple at all, and in cases where they are in the public eye, it’s even worse. They are made to feel stupid in front of the world so they downplay it, and then of course they stay. Can you imagine how Janay Rice felt watching that elevator video over and over and over again? And as if that wasn’t bad enough, then she was bombarded with reporters asking her “Why” when they really should have been asking him.

So, what can we learn from Whitney’s story? How can we empower others and our children to love themselves? Well, for starters we can make sure that they know they are loved. We can TELL THEM, SHOW THEM and BE THERE FOR THEM. Don’t wait until they are sick or in trouble or dead before you show them you care.

Now listen to the very last line of Whitney’s song:

“And if by chance that special place
that you’ve been dreaming of,
leads you to a lonely place,
find your strength in love.”

To me, “that special place” is a partner and/or marriage. She’s telling us to find our own strength in order to survive; and the LOVE she refers to is, of course for ourselves. We MUST heed this lesson anytime we find ourselves in a “lonely place” in any type of relationship. We must love ourselves before we can love others, and if you are true to yourself then you will know in the pit of your stomach if something isn’t right with your relationship, friendship or even a job. If it doesn’t feel right, then you owe it to yourself to find something that does. Yes, it will hurt like hell in the beginning, and you will doubt yourself a million times, but it will be worth it in the end. You are worth it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life of true love and happiness.

A few questions:
• Are you are always walking on eggshells trying to keep your partner happy?
• Do you constantly lower your expectations for what you want in
the relationship?
• Are you constantly making excuses for them?

If you answered yes to any (or all) of those questions, then you need to have a very serious discussion with them. Please, DON’T WAIT it won’t get better. If, during the course of discussion it becomes apparent that these things cannot be remedied, then you MUST gather your strength, remember to LOVE YOURSELF, and do what is best for YOU.

Whitney Houston didn’t do this until it was too late and although we don’t know for sure, it seems as if her daughter learned it from her too. We must break the cycle of violence and teach our kids that love does not = control, jealousy & intimidation.
Love Changes People and just like the song says,

“learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all”.

‪#‎30DOT‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople‬ ‪#‎DoYou‬