Category: 30 Days of Truth

Just because I discuss sex doesn’t mean I want to do it with you

Yes, I’m a woman and yes, I enjoy sex. If you’d like, I’ll be happy to discuss it with you regardless of YOUR sex or orientation for that matter. Does this mean I want to fuck you? Does my willingness to talk about it make me a slut? A whore? Very recently I was told that it does, and with all due respect I couldn’t disagree more!

Men, let me ask you a question: Do you feel comfortable discussing sex with your male friends? I think a large majority of you would answer yes. In fact, you probably thoroughly enjoy discussing your wives or for the single guys – your new conquests. You most likely make jokes about all kinds of sex and laugh it up about the friend who isn’t getting any. Now, let me ask you this: Do you want to fuck any of these guy friends you are laughing with? No? Then why the hell do you think you think that’s what my motivation is?

Now, for the women who look down their noses at me for discussing sex so openly: Please stop holding your sisters back! It’s no wonder we’re deemed the “weaker sex”, we allow society to tell us what we can think, wear, how we can act, speak and even what we can talk about and with whom? I say, FUCK THAT SHIT! We have a brain in our heads that’s equal to that of our male counterparts, we have wants and desires, we want to be treated equally and our minds are just as dirty as a man’s (or at least mine is). So, ladies please stop biting your tongue and talk about it!!!

Talking Sex Is My FEMINISM!
Oh yes I said it, feminism! One more time just for shit & giggles – FEMINISM! The word has such a negative connotation these days and it’s sad. If human equality is the basis of the idea, then shouldn’t we be free to express ourselves to each other in whatever way we see fit?

So, consider this my feminism soapbox. Women should be able to crack jokes and discuss our wants / desires openly with whomever we choose. If it happens to be a man, then please don’t assume that we want to fuck you. (Trust me if I want you, I will make it abundantly clear.)

My message is really simple:

Men – Stop thinking with your dicks and let a woman speak her mind. If you’re cool about it, you might just get in her pants. Or you may not, but your chances are probably much higher if you try it this way.

Women – It’s okay to let your freak flag fly. Don’t be shy, join the conversation. You know you want to!


‪#‎30DOT‬ ‪#‎DoYou‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople


I Don’t Fucking Care

I’d like to start off by saying that this post is not directed at any one particular person.  Let me elaborate on that for just a second…I AM NOT WRITING THIS FOR JUST ONE FUCKING PERSON!  So, please don’t feel special.  It’s not just you… I seem to have pissed off several people, but guess what?  I don’t fucking care!

Please continue to spew your hurtful words on your blog thinking that it makes you a better person than me.  According to you, it makes you feel “so much better to get it all out there”.  But that’s the difference between you and me.  I don’t feel the need to hurt someone else in order to feel better about myself.  I’d never slander someone or use the pain of another just to get people’s attention.  Bottom line, I don’t think I’m better than anyone else.

We all have pain.  Each of us has to live in our personal hell built by our own darkness.  I know how bad mine is, and while I can’t understand yours or anyone’s for that matter, I wouldn’t want to cause yours to hurt you anymore than it already does.

So…I’m taking the path that is most definitely less traveled (especially here on social media).  I won’t call you out by name, I won’t post blog or your pictures here and I won’t try to hurt your reputation.  Why?  Because I’m not a bully.  Yes, that’s what you are and that’s exactly what you’re doing to me.  Imagine how you’d feel if someone did that to one of your kids.  I don’t have to imagine it, because I understand it. I’m living it.  With every mean spirited post you are twisting that knife in deeper.  All I can say is thank goodness for my new support system.  They are the ones who help me now and they are why I can say, “I don’t fucking care”.

At the end of the day, I have to look myself in the mirror.  I know who I am.  I know everything I’ve done, everything I’ve overcome and everything that I still have to work on.  I’m not perfect,  I’d never claim to be.  I am me.  When I love, I do it with all that I have and the only way I know how.  Maybe it wasn’t enough for one of you, but it was too much for another.  I’m not like anyone else, it takes me a long time to trust so my love starts out as one thing and grows into something different but you have to stick around long enough to understand.

I wish you well, all of you.  I hope you have a long life filled with love and I hope that you get everything you’re looking for.  I also hope that you can learn to let go and forgive, I hope you can be happy, and I really hope that the hate will stop, but if it doesn’t please remember just one thing:


#30DOT #DoYou #LoveChangesPeople


What is the meaning of life? Who am I?


I’ve been considering these questions a lot more for some reason lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe the answers are one and the same. I’m of the belief that we’re formed through our life experiences.

I’m the person I am because of what I’ve
done, who I’ve known & what I’ve overcome.

Therefore, I feel as though I will never know who I truly am until I have lived all that life throws at me. If is true, then because we experience right up to the moment of death will we die before we know? Or will there be a moment right before the end, where the fog clears and we finally see who we are and therefore, the meaning of our life? I think that this moment of understanding, could be the “tunnel” or the “white light” that everyone who’s had a near death experience refers to. This could be what we see at the moment of death and how wonderful would that be?

Lastly, the color white is a symbol of rebirth and new beginnings; so when we die as we walk into that “white light”, maybe we’re given the meaning of life as a gift and then that is what allows us to begin again? ‪#‎30DOT‬ ‪#‎DoYou‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople‬

Things You Should Know Before We Go Out


Dating is hard. Especially when you’re over 30 and divorced. Add a toddler to the mix and it’s worse. Add one with special needs and it’s pretty much impossible. Single parents have a very small amount of time to devote to dating, so I’ve been thinking that it would be so much easier if everyone just put out an “FYI List” for potential dates. (Yes, this is supposed to be funny…mostly).

Here’s mine:

1) The greatest gift you can give me is your attention.

2) Curiosity is engraved on my soul. I’ll always be searching, for what I don’t know.

3) If you play guitar, you should definitely play for me. wink emoticon

4) I cuss, a lot. I’m loud, extremely. I don’t care what people think, ever. Let me be. This is who I am & I won’t change for anyone.

5) Always be honest with me. Even if it might hurt. I want to know…no matter what it is.

6) I’m gonna scream at scary movies. It’s part of the fun. Don’t try to stop me.

7) Practical jokes are always funny. So, you better think so too.

8) A man who feels comfortable enough to cry in front of me is sexy. (On occasion, not incessantly)

9) If I ask you to listen to a song you should pay attention. Music says what I can’t.

10) I’m comfortable talking about sex with anyone. It doesn’t mean I’m going to do it with them, I just believe that women should be able to discuss this subject as openly as men.

11) Don’t give me rules, I won’t follow them.

12) If you don’t call after our date, I’ll be upset; but when you do, there is a good chance I’ll be annoyed. I have no answers for this one except use your charm and be witty. (I love that shit.)

13) If it rains and I’m asleep you should definitely wake me up. (wink, wink) wink emoticon

14) I need alone time. Solitude is important to my mental health, it has nothing to do with you.

15) My son’s needs and happiness are always going to come first. If you don’t understand this, it’s best you just move along.

‪#‎30DOT‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople‬ ‪#‎DoYou‬ ‪#‎singlemoms‬ ‪#‎singleparentproblems

Why I Committed Social Media Suicide

Almost two years ago, I made the decision to dissappear from social media. I had just escaped a 10 year abusive marriage, moved across the country and was pretty much in hiding. So, I deleted all my social network profiles and vanished from my “friends” feeds. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter however, it was something I’d been wanting to do for over a year.

Facebook was the place where I had the most “friends”. What a joke – Hey Mark Z, you guys really need to come up with another option to choose besides “friend” Ha! I had been close with all of these people at one point or another but first marriage and then abuse made it where I didn’t see any of them anymore. Anything that I posted was “monitored” by my abuser so it’s not like I actually reached out for help, but as I slowly slipped away I find it odd that no one reached out.

My feed had always been full of pics, travel posts and happy quotes. Then all of a sudden I went dark. I even had a brand new baby, isn’t that when people are MOST active? So, I dissappeared and honestly I doubt that many of them ever even noticed. To be fair, a select few were connected with my mother and they reached out through her, but I was so done I really wanted to leave everything behind me.

Besides, what I saw online made me sick most of the time. You all know the story (some of you more than others), someone would post about a sickness, death or depression and one of two things would happen.

1) People would send the quick “I’m praying
for you” or “talk to God” comment.
* Not anything REAL mind you, just
what they thought was polite. I mean
even people who believe, (I don’t) do
those comments really help?

2) People would just scroll past the post.
* Time and time again they would just
ignore it. Honestly, at least this group
was being real about the fact that they
didn’t care.

Here’s the problem – WE KNOW THAT BAD THINGS ARE HAPPENING ALL AROUND US, BUT WE ARE TOO FUCKING BUSY LIVING OUR FAKE LIVES TO CARE!!! For that reason right there, I have no regrets that I vanished from their lives.

I know you all must be wondering how I can claim “social media suicide” in a Facebook post smile emoticon and honestly, this is the BEST PART OF THE STORY! You see, Blanca Lapin is not my real name – duh, my name literally means White Rabbit. (and yes, that was sort of a Pitch Perfect reference for those of you keeping up). I assumed a new identity and joined Twitter, then WordPress, Instagram and finally Facebook. But here’s the awesome part… every person that I communicate with now in my social networks are REAL FRIENDS, yet I’ve only met a handful of them in person. However, I know that I can count on them to check on me, to respond to my texts and to help me however they can should I need it.

So when I hear/read people talking about real life-friends vs. virtual ones I laugh because in my life, my virtual friends are the only REAL friends I’ve ever known. I know this is not the case for everyone, but this is MY story. So, here’s a toast to all my Internet Friends…..

#30DOT ‪#‎DoYou‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople‬ ‪#‎YouMatter

An Open Letter To Anyone Who Might Ever Love Me

I’m not perfect, far from it…but if you are going to attempt to love me, then it’s important that you know that I will try really hard to keep you from doing just that.

In the past I’ve hurt my friends and family, and I’m sure that I will do it again. I’ve lied and not followed through on promises. I forget things (a lot lately) I miss birthdays, anniversaries and funerals. I never call when I say I will, and sometimes I hide in my shell and don’t come out for weeks. I push away anyone who might love me just to see if they will come back. I expect the worst out of everyone so that I’m not disappointed when they give it to me. I refuse to ask for help and I’d rather be alone than to impose on someone. I come off as aloof because I try so hard to act like I don’t care when in all actuality, I really care more than you will ever know.

I cry every single day and there’s nothing you can do about it. I give away my love as fast as I can, in hopes that I’ll forget what’s happened in my past. I’m impulsive and reckless, loud and sometimes (okay a lot of times) obnoxious and I hardly ever act like an adult. Some of these things are just me, but others I know need to be addressed and if you will try to love me, then I promise to try to change what makes it hard to do just that.

‪#‎30DOT‬ ‪#‎DoYou‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople

I’m not who you want me to be

I’m sick and fucking tired of everyone telling me how I SHOULD act, how I SHOULD do things, and how I SHOULD feel. You know what? I spent an entire marriage with someone telling me what to do and I am NEVER gonna do that again. So fuck you and all of your expectations. The way I see it, I have a lot of living to do (about 10 years to be exact) and considering I’ve actually seen my life flash before my eyes with a gun shoved down my throat, I am gonna live the fuck out of the life I have left! So here’s a few things that you can expect, love me or leave me ok???

☆ I’m not going to be quiet, quiet is boring.
I’m gonna yell!

☆ If I see something I want, I’m gonna go after it
with all that I have, and I won’t rest until
I’m satisfied.

☆ I’m going to take risks because I like them,
and they let me know I’m alive.

☆ I’m going to stay up late and then most likely I’ll
get up early. Sleep, ha…I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
I’ve got shit to do.

☆ I’m going to take walks at midnight and gaze at
the stars. Sometimes I’ll be alone, and you
know what? I like that!!!

☆ I’m going to camp out on a beach and then
watch the sunrise from a hammock. (If anyone
wants to jump in on this, just buy me a trip & you
can hang in the hammock with me!)

☆ I’m gonna dance, and sing and laugh and I don’t
care who’s looking or where I am. If I’m having
fun, I’m never going to stifle that again.

☆ I’m gonna try new things, sleep with new people
and never pass up a chance for adventure again.

☆ I’m gonna drink and I’m gonna smoke and I’m
gonna love with all of my heart and soul!

☆ I’m gonna make new friends out of strangers and
I’m gonna do things you probably won’t agree
with, but guess what? It’s not your life, it’s mine!
So, back the fuck up and watch all the fun, or join
in and LIVE with me!!!!

‪#‎30DOT‬ ‪#‎DoYou‬ ‪#‎LoveChangesPeople